The "Twice-Born" (Dwija)
From Manusmrti(Laws of Manu)
According to the injunctions of the revealed texts, the first birth of an Aryan is from his natural mother, the second (happens) on the tying of the girdle of Munja grass, and the third on the initiation to (the performance of) a (Srauta) sacrifice. II.169
Among those (three) the birth which is symbolised by the investiture with the girdle of Munja grass, is his birth for the sake of the Veda; they declare that in that (birth) the Savitri (Goddess of knowledge) is his mother and the teacher is his father. II.170
They call the teacher (the pupil’s) father because he gives the Veda (knowledge); for no body can perform a sacred rite before the investiture with the girdle of Munja grass. II.170
He who has not been initiated should not pronounce any Vedic text excepting those required for the performance of funeral rites, since he is on a level with a Sudra before his birth from the Veda. II.172
The student who has been initiated must be instructed in the performance of the vows, and gradually learn the Veda, observing the prescribed rules. II.173
In the eighth year after conception, one should perform the initiation (Upanayana ceremonies of sacred thread) of a Brahmana, in the eleventh year after conception (that) of a Kshatriya, but in the twelfth year that of a Vaisya. II.36
The initiation of a Brahmana who desires proficiency in sacred learning should take place in the fifth year after conception, that of a Kshatriya who wishes to become powerful in the sixth, and that of a Vaisya who longs for success in his business in the eighth. II.37
The time for the Savitri initiation of a Brahmana does not pass until the completion of the sixteenth year (after conception), of a Kshatriya until the completion of the twenty-second, and of a Vaisya until the completion of the twenty-fourth. II.38
After those (periods men of) these three (castes) who have not received the sacrament at the proper time, become Vratyas (outcastes), excluded from the Savitri (initiation) and despised by the Aryans. II.39
With such men, if they have not been purified according to the rule, let no Brahmana ever, even in times of distress, form a connection either through the Veda or by marriage. II.40
Let students, according to the order (of their castes), wear (as upper dresses) the skins of black antelopes, spotted deer, and he-goats, and (lower garments) made of hemp, flax or wool. II.41
The sacrificial string of a Brahmana shall be made of cotton, (shall be) twisted to the right and consist of three threads; that of a Kshatriya of hempen threads; and that of a Vaisya of woollen threads. II.44
A Brahmana shall carry, according to the sacred law, a staff of Bilwa or Palasa; a Kshatriya, of Vata or Khadira; and a Vaisya, of Pilu or Udumbara. II.45
Having taken a staff according to his choice, having worshipped the sun and walked round the fire, turning his right hand towards it, the pupil should beg alms according to the prescribed rule. II.48
His girdle, the skin (which serves as his upper garment), his staff, his sacrificial thread, and his water-pot he must throw into water, when they have been damaged, and take others, reciting sacred formulas. II.64
The ceremony called Kesanta (clipping the hair) is ordained for a Brahmana in the sixteenth year from conception; for a Kshatriya, in the twenty-second; and for a Vaisya, two years later than that. II.65
This whole series of ceremonies must be performed for females also, in order to sanctify the body, at the proper time and in the proper order, but without the recitation of sacred texts. II.66
The nuptial ceremony is stated to be the Vedic sacrament for women (and to be equal to the initiation). Serving the husband (equivalent to) the residence in the house of the teacher, and the household duties (the same) as the daily worship of the sacred fire. II.67
Thus has been described the rule for the initiation of the twice-born, which indicates a (new) birth, and sanctifies. II. 68
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Further explanations by Sri Rajbali Pandey, M.A., D.Litt.
Without the Upanayana none could call himself a twice-born.
One who would not undergo these ceremonies (Samskara) was excommunicated and debarred from all the privileges of the race. The initiation was a passport to the literary treasures of the Hindus. It was also a means of communion with the society, because without it none could marry an Aryan girl. Thus the Hindu ideal made universal education the indispensable test and insignia of their community. The most striking fact in connection with the Upanayana is that by virtue of its performance the initiated ranked as Dvija or twice-born.
This transformation compares well with the Christian rite of baptism, which is regarded as a sacrament and carries with it a spiritual effect to reform the life of man. If we look beneath the surface of the ceremonies, we cannot but recognise in it the expression of a deep human conviction that man, due to his contact with the world, loses his native purity, and that he must be born again to enter the spiritual kingdom again.
The Acharya (teacher) tied round the waist of the youth the girdle with the verse, "Here has come to me, keeping away evil words, purifying mankind as a purifier, clothing herself by power of inhalation and exhalation, with strength, this sisterly goddess, the blessed girdle." The girdle was made of triple cord, which symbolised that the student was always encircled by the three Vedas.
After the tying of the girdle came the most important item of the samskara, the investing the student with the Sacred Thread. The very name of the Sacred Thread, "Yajnopavita" supplies a clue to its original nature.
The Sacred Thread is spun by a virgin Brahmana girl and twisted by a Brahmana. The composition of the Sacred Thread is full of symbolism and significance. Its length is ninetysix times as the breadth of the four fingers of a man, which is equal to his height. Each of the four fingers represents one of the four states the soul of a man experiences from time to time, namely, waking, dreaming, dreamless sleep and absolute Brahmanhood (Turiya or the fourth state). The three folds of the cord are also symbolical. They represent the three Gunas (Sattwa, Rajas and Tamas) reality, passion and darkness, out of which the whole universe is evolved. It was done, so that the Sattwaguna or the good quality of reality may predominate in a man, and so he may attain spiritual merits.
Brahma-granthi
The three cords are tied together by a knot called Brahma-granthi, which symbolises Brahma, Vishnu and Siva (the trinity of gods, Creator, Sustainer and Destroyer). Besides, extra knots are made in the cords to indicate the various Pravaras of a particular family.
The Acharya (teacher), while investing the student with the Sacred Thread repeats an appropriate Mantra, asking for strength, long-life and illumination for the boy, the boy looking, in the meanwhile, towards the sun. A Brahmachari (student) can put on only one set of the Sacred Thread. A householder is given privilege to wear two, one for himself and one for his wife. There are different methods of wearing the Sacred Thread at different occasions. While performing an auspicious ceremony one should be Upaviti, that is, the Sacred Thread should hang from his left shoulder. At the performance of some inauspicious ceremony one should be Prachnaviti, that is, the Sacred Thread should hang from the right shoulder; and at times he is called Niviti when the Sacred Thread is worn round the neck like a garland.

827. In relative concentration, there is the knowledge of Brahman. In deep sleep there is the
ignorance of Brahman. But deep 'concentration at the absolute plane differs from both these levels
of consciousness. (In the relative concentration, there is the knowledge that one is a knower of
Brahman and it is mixed with the ego consciousness. In deep sleep however there is no ego
consciousness and therefore there is no knowledge. That is why absolute concentration differs from
both those levels of consciousness.)
828. An aspirant after liberation should therefore practice in mind both these aspects of samadhi,
the savikalpa ' and nirvilkalpa, and he should continue the practice until all wrong ideas have been
utterly effaced.
829. When all the wrong ideas have come to an end there are no more obstacles to the attainment
of the highest knowledge. In this way it is that bliss eternal is realized.
830. There are two varieties of savikalpa samadhi one type of it is in association with the
consciousness of the body. The other is in association with the maxims of the sruri. I shall now
explain them to you in this, order, listen attentively:
831. The first type of savikalpa samadhi is that which is blended with the objects of knowledge.
There are faint traces of one's ego consciousness such as the idea of 'I and mine', as also the
impression of' one's likes and dislikes.
832. There is at the same time a realization of the Atman as the unchanging witness, who alone is
the seer and the perceiver of the ‘me' consciousness, and of one's likes
and dislikes.
833. One should identify oneself with the Atman, the seer, who does not take part in any kind of
activity, by thinking, 'I am the witness of the likes and dislikes; they are the objects of my
knowledge'.
834. It is in this way that one comes to identify oneself with the witnessing consciousness, and
merge in that consciousness all that which one conceives within oneself, such as one's likes and
dislikes.
835. One knows oneself thus: "I '' am neither the body, nor the vital force, nor the sense organ, nor
the ego, nor the mind, nor the intellect, for I am within all these; I am the eternal inmost witnessing
consciousness, who is the seer of the changing phenomena, and I am other than all of them."
836. " I am the eternal inmost witness of the functioning of the organ of speech, the vital force, and
the intellect. I am the seer of all the modifications that take place in the intellect, as well as of all
that which the eye Sees and the ear bears.
837. I am neither fat nor lean neither a child, nor a youth nor an old person. I am neither a one-
eyed person, nor a dumb one, nor I am a eunuch. The inmost witnessing consciousness-that I am.
838. "I neither come nor go; I do not kill any one; nor do I cause any one to be killed. I am neither
a doer, nor an employer, nor a speaker, nor an experiencer. I am neither happy, nor miserable for I
am none other the eternal inmost witnessing consciousness. (He who is free from the notion of
egoism, whose intelligence is not affected by good or evil, though he kills these people, he kills not,
nor is he bound by action. Gita, XVIII. 17)
839. "I am neither a yogi, nor the reverse of it; I am neither angry, nor lustful, nor greedy; I am not
bound by anything, nor am I free of anything. I am none other than the eternal, innermost
witnessing consciousness."
840. The fact, is that the Atman is not conscious of anything either within it or outside of it, either
one at a time or both simultaneously, nor is the Atman non-consciousness. Therefore, I am neither
a hearer nor a thinker; nor a knower of anything; I am the eternal, inmost witnessing consciousness.
841. I am not limited either by body or the sense organs or the intellect. Virtue and sin affect me
not in the least. Old age and death, hunger and thirst, grief and delusion -- all these are far from
me. I am none other than pure consciousness, the ever-free.
842. I am neither the hands nor the feet, neither the organ of speech nor the eyes, neither the vital
force nor the mind, nor the intellect. Like unto the universal space, I am that which is all
pervading, the unchanging pure consciousness.
843. The knower of Brahman who knows the Atman in this manner merges all the objects of
knowledge that are experienced by him in the consciousness of the Atman. It is in this way that he
frees himself from all sides for they are but the products of delusion. ( When the spiritual 'aspirant'
realizes the all pervading Brahman as his own Self, his ignorance is destroyed, his doubts vanish,
and the results of his actions become inoperative – Mundaka 11. 2. 9.)
844. Therefore the word ‘Mukti' comes to mean freedom from the bondage of ignorance. In itself it
means the awareness of the Atman: and this may be realized only by means of samadhi, or deep
concentration.
845. It is neither by the dress that a person wears, nor by, the language. that he speaks, that any
one can attain liberation. Liberation lies in being establislied in the Atman, which is at once
indivisible and conscious. It is only by giving up all ideas of 'I and mine' in as much as they belong
to the adjuncts or the upadhis, and by being established in the Atman, that one might realize it.
846. It is only knowledge that destroys ignorance and knowledge alone confers liberation. That is
why. liberation, cannot be attained by the mere performance of rituals even though they should be
repeated millions of times.
847. It is Only the knowledge of the Self-effulgent Brahman that can destroy all the bonds. When
all, the klesas are destroyed, the cycle of birth and death comes to an end. That is what the sruti
says. (The klesas are Ignorance, egoism, attachment, Jealousy, ardent expectation and the like. All
of them are sources of discord. 'With the knowledge of God, all fetters fall off. Wlth the waning of
ignorance, birth and death cease. Going beyond the consciousness of the body by meditating on
Him, one reaches the third stage viz. the universal lordship. All his desires are satisfied; and he
becomes one without a second. Swat. 1. 2.)
848. It is the absence of the possibility of rebirth that constitutes liberation; and by the destruction
of klesas, all such possibilities are put an end to. That is why, the aspirant after liberation should be
ever devoted to the Atman.
849. The klesas constitute the sources rebirth: for they are the subtle forms of desire. When the
klesas become parched in the fire of the- knowledge of the Atman, they can no longer be a source
of rebirth,
850. Just as the seeds that have been parched in fire lose their Power of germination, so also the
klesas which have their origin in thought lose all their potency when once the knowledge of the
Atman has been attained.

851. Therefore, let the aspirant after knowledge pursue it with devotion and diligence, so that be
might be able to overcome all desires and dispel all wrong ideas as to the nature of the Atman.
852. To one who is devoted to the pursuit of knowledge, the observance of rituals is of no use. The
reason for it is that the observance of rituals and the devotion to knowledge cannot co-exist.
853, There is considerable incompatibility between knowledge and rituals in as much a their natures
are entirely antithetical. It is only he who regards himself as the agent of action that can perform
the rituals. But the nature of knowledge is altogether different and it dispels all such ideas.
854. All the wrong ideas beginning with the idea of regarding one's physical body
eradicated, by knowledge. 'It is only as long as one is ignorant of the Atman that rituals have a
place. But the knowledge of the Atman destroys both ignorance and the love of rituals.
855. How is it possible for one to perform rituals while engaged in the pursuit of knowledge, in as
much as they are incompatible? It is as impossible as that light and darkness should coexist.
856. No one can keep one's eyes open and closed at the same time. It is equally impossible to
combine knowledge and rituals. Can one who is looking eastwards see what is the west? Is it ever
possible for one whose mind is directed towards the innermost Atman to take part in external
activities?
857. A man of renunciation, who is solely intent upon. the pursuit of knowledge, has nothing to
gain from the. sastras which enjoin the observance of rituals. He observes no ritual other than the
pursuit of knowledge; that alone is his sandhya; that alone is his all in all and there is nothing else.
858. The removal of all the impurities. which the intellect has posited upon the Atman constitutes
his bath. It is only in this way that he may purify himself, and
not by resorting to the use of earth and water.
859. By putting his mind in its real nature, he performs all the Vedic duties that are enjoined upon
him. When the instruments of knowledge and action, such as the karmendriyas, and the
jnanendriyas as well as the mind are all unreal, anything that
may be achieved by means of them must be equally unreal.
860. When one is established in one's real nature and has excluded from one's mind the phenomena
of the world, that constitutes the performance of sandhya, the observance of religious duties, the
offering of gifts and even the taking of one's food.
861. To one whose heart is pure and who has renounced one's all, there is no other spiritual
discipline necessary. It would be enough if one should seek and realize the nature of the supreme
Reality.
862. Therefore, let the man ot renunciation who is devoted to knowledge give upall other actions
and rituals. Let him be ever absorbed and be established in the supreme Atman.
863. He who desires to attain the goal of yoga and has not yet attained it, must necessarily perform
his obligatory duties. The learned however are of the opinion that such a course is not incumbent
upon him who has attained the goal. ( For a devotee who wishes to attain to yoga, action is said to
be the means. For the same devotee when he has attained to yoga, quiescence is said to be the
means. Gita VI, 3.)
864. The aspirant after liberation who has attained the goal of yoga becomes unfit to perform the
rituals, even though they happen to be of a minor nature. He is as sure to fall as one who tries to
climb up a palm tree while his mind is wandering elsewhere.
865. The perfected person is the wise one who has attained the goal of yoga. He has achieved all
that which has to be achieved. His mind is not turned towards external objects nor can he perform
actions in the external world. Such is the nature of savikalpa samadhi, considered in association
with the objects of knowledge

_{(My humble salutations to  above mentioned Philosophers and  Advaita org   for the collection)}

In these talks, I will be presenting my understanding of what Vedanta is and why it is important to know Vedanta. This presentation is aimed at the freshman in Vedantic study who has little understanding of Sanskrit. It must be recognized, however, that we have to use some Sanskrit words to bring out the full impact of the terms that are defined. A typical example is the word ‘vAsanA’ which is a technical word with no appropriate equivalent word in English. One can say vAsanA-s manifest as ‘likes and dislikes’ both at individual level and at collective level. Thus we have individual vAsanA-s as well as collective vAsanA-s that propel us to act the way we act, individually or collectively.
Another Sanskrit word is ‘mAyA’, which is poorly translated as ‘illusion’. It can be considered as that ‘power’ because of which one appears to become many. While more of these terms will be introduced as we proceed further, the point I would like to make is that there are many technical words in Vedanta with which one should familiarize oneself early in the game, if one wants to understand and participate in Vedantic discussions. Like many of these things, it is not essential that one should understand all these terms to know Vedanta, but it will be helpful. It is not really a big deal, since we do use many technical or mathematical terms without fully appreciating their significance. For example, we learn the symbolic language of mathematics in early schooling without questioning their meaning or validity. We use two parallel lines to signify an equals sign, symbolizing an equality of what is on the left hand side with that on the right hand side of the equation. Symbolically the equals sign establishes a relation between the two sides of the equation.
Later we learn in mathematics that a symbol of three parallel lines is used to establish an identity equation, i.e. to declare that what is on left side of the equation is identically equal to what is on the right side of the equation. No, I am not writing on mathematics, but I want to lead you to simple but profound statements of Vedanta that establish some relations; not relations establishing equality, but statements confirming identity-relationships. The first one (equal sign) provides a relation of two entities that appear to be different. The second one (identity equation) provides a relation (in fact, a relationless relation) of two entities that appear to be different, but, in truth, are one and the same. Vedanta zeros in on the second aspect.
Before I discuss about the above aspects, I want to identity those who are the beginners to Vedantic study, since this writing is intended for them. A serious study of any subject would require a student to have met some prerequisites. Vedantic study is no exception. Shankara defines these requirements as ‘The four-fold qualifications’ – collectively called the ‘4-Ds’. These are:
1. Discrimination between what is eternal and what is ephemeral;
2. Dispassion to reject that which is ephemeral in order to gain that which is eternal;
3. Discipline of the mind to divert it from trivial or ephemeral pursuits in life in order to conserve the energy to pursue that which is eternal, and finally
4. Desire strong enough to motivate one in that pursuit without getting discouraged by any type of obstacles that arise.
They are somewhat interrelated with each one reinforcing the other. Hence, from Shankara’s point of view, if one does not have these four-fold qualifications, he has not prepared his mind for the knowledge of Vedanta. The mind that has acquired these four-fold qualifications is a ‘pure’ mind that is ready to ‘take off’ when the Vedantic teaching is imparted by a competent teacher. The discipline of the mind (the third ‘D’ above) involves six subsidiary disciplines for uncompromising commitment to the study. The most important among these is complete faith in the import of Vedanta, as explained by the teacher. Each word and idea in this paragraph is important and elaborate discussion of these is available in texts such as the vivekachUDAmaNi – they will be discussed as needed, later.
Hence, a beginner in Vedantic study is one who has acquired the four-fold qualifications for the study. If one has the pre-requisites, then the study will be fruitful. I will address some of the misconceptions of Vedantic study later, but suffice to say here that, if one experiences that the study has not been fruitful, it is not the fault of Vedanta but only signifies that the prerequisites have not been met adequately.
The next question that arises then is: should one study Vedanta without these pre-requisites? Vedanta itself address that issue, saying that one has to listen to Vedanta from a competent teacher (shravaNam) and reflect on it until all doubts are fully resolved (mananam) and finally contemplate on this until the teaching has been fully assimilated (nidhidhyAsanam). Listening to the teacher is sufficient if one has all the pre-requisites. For those who do not have the prerequisites, the other two are required until conviction takes place in the mind - a conviction that what Vedanta says is indeed true to the letter.
To illustrate this point, we can remind ourselves the story of our friend, Mr. Jones and the rat. Mr. Jones got the feeling that he was rat and not a man. Do not ask me when that feeling started for Mr. Jones. As far as we are concerned, it was there from the beginning. So Mr. Jones used to hide in a closet whenever he saw a cat since, being a rat, he needed to protect himself from that terrible looking cat. Mrs. Jones saw this and, somehow recognizing his problem, took him to a psychologist who tried to convince Mr. Jones that he was in fact a man. After many hours of sitting with his psychologist, Mr. Jones understood that he was indeed a man and not a rat, as he had previously thought. With that clear understanding he returned home to discover to his horror that the terrible cat was still sitting there and waiting for him. He rushed back to the doctor and asked: “Sir, I now know that I am man and not a rat, but I am afraid that the cat does not yet know this.”
We may laugh at this but our situation is not much different from Mr. Jones, as we will see later. What Mr. Jones needed to understand was about his true identity, not just ‘as a thought’ but ‘as a fact’ - that he was always a man and never a rat, even when he doubted this. Shankara says that, with adequate prparation of the four-fold qualifications, the Vedantic teaching from a competent teacher would become immediately fruitful. Otherwise, one has to develop that clarity of understanding through constant reflection and contemplation on the teaching until it is assimilated, or until what Bhagavan Ramana calls ‘firm abidance in that knowledge’ is reached.
What constitutes clear understanding of Vedanta? We will discuss this more extensively later but here it is sufficient to know that it involves two essential aspects. The first is a clear understanding of the INDENTITY relations or relationless relationships called mahAvAkya-s or great aphorisms, and the second is to realize that nothing else is required other than the clear understanding of the identity relations. The significance of these two aspects will become apparent when we discuss the identity relations, and their implications. From the Mr. Jones and the rat story, we should now have a clear understanding of what clear understanding means!
If we do not have a clear understanding of Vedanta it only means that, either we have not had proper exposure to Vedantic study (with the emphasis on proper), or our minds are not adequately prepared, in which case sAdhana is required to purify the mind for the teaching to sink in. Hence, from the point of view of Vedantic study, most of us are beginner-students requiring listening, reflecting and contemplating on the teaching. The purpose of the Advaitin Egroup is exactly to accomplish that – hence it is intended for all beginners trying to get a clear understanding of Vedantic teaching. For the silent majority – there is no silent teaching or learning in any field of study, including Vedanta. The only way to clarify one’s understanding is through discussion and by raising questions.
If one has the four-fold qualifications, then Vedanta declares that such a student will be lead to an appropriate teacher needed for his evolution. Now we can ask ourselves if we have those four-fold qualifications or not, and who is going to evaluate if we have them to qualify us to study Vedanta? In olden days, the teacher normally used to observe the students individually for a prolonged length of time and determine who was qualified and who was not. In modern days we do not have such system of teaching. A student has to develop these qualifications through association with the wise and by following karma, bhakti and j~nAna yoga-s. These aspects are extensively discussed in the Bhagavad Gita as preparatory for brahma vidyA or Vedantic study.
Not all minds are ready for such kind of study. Krishna gives out statistics in the Gita: of thousands of people, very few are interested in this study and of those who are interested only a few have the commitment to study and of those even fewer have the commitment to pursue until they realize that identity emphasized in Vedanta. However, once one is exposed to Vedantic teaching, there is no fall back in the sense that the teaching will start to germinate slowly but steadily, once the mind is purified through normal life’s trifles. Krishna says that, even if one dies in the Vedantic pursuit, he will be born in the next life into an environment conducive for his rapid growth. It also means that our preparations will never go to waste and we do not have to redo everything in the next life. It is a continuous evolution. Examination of the life stories of some great souls indicates that they took off rapidly without any preparatory disciplines. All that means is that they had already done all those preparations in their past life or lives. Hence nothing will be wasted as per the law of action and result. It also means that nothing is given free - one has to work for it. This is true for any field of study, and so is true for Vedantic study too.
Shankara says that to be born as human being is very rare indeed when there are billions of life forms available for birth. Having been born as human being, the desire for liberation is even more rare, as emphasized by Krishna’s teaching. Finally, getting exposed to teaching of Vedanta through the association of great masters is extremely rare indeed. In that sense, we are blessed to have that opportunity to learn and those who can avail themselves of this opportunity are blessed indeed.

 

There are essentially two things in this universe; I, the subject and the world, the assembly of objects with which I interact or transact. Objects of my interaction or transaction include sentient beings as well as insentient objects. From birth to death, I continuously evolve from being a child to a youth, an adult, an old man and, one day, I leave this world, never to return again. I do not know where I came from nor do I know where I am going. I have no knowledge of the life before or life after. Religions tell me that I go heaven or hell, depending on whether I follow them or not. The only thing that I am sure of is that I am here and the world is there, and I am forced to deal with it throughout my life. In fact, life is nothing but transacting with the world from birth to death.
The fact of the matter is that no one has ever asked me or consulted me before hand at to whether I would like to be born or not, where I should be born, who should be my parents or siblings or even what type of body that I want - male, female or any other life form, etc. Is life just an accident that begins and ends when circumstances are favorable or unfavorable? If everything is predestined, then I am just a pawn in the game of life. But who is playing that game at my expense? He should know that I too have feelings of what I like and do not like and definitely I do not want to be a pawn for somebody’s pleasure. Whatever may be my complaints, there is nothing that I can do. I just find myself in this world struggling to find my identity, competing like everyone else to gain things that I like and get rid of those things that I do not like. Life does not seem to be fair at all. This is not only my conclusion but seems to be the conclusion of everyone. Nobody says that I have everything that I want and I am happy as I am and do not want for any thing else. Most of them have complaints, about their health, wealth or someone’s misconduct. When two people meet and talk, they only talk about how great they are and how unfair others are towards them.
When I look at my life (impartially!), most of the time I find myself at a disadvantage, unable to compete fairly in the world to achieve what I want. I see that there are some people who have all the luck that they really do not deserve (at least from my perspective). I am always envious of those who are luckier than I am, particularly of those who are born rich or become rich by hook or crook or have everything that I like to have, without much effort on their part. Of course they say they do not have enough, but I think they are just greedy, and I would be happy if I had what they have.
There are of course some who make it a point to let me know that I do have a lot compared to millions of others who do not have even a meal a day, a shelter over their head or pure water to drink. These people are just jealous. Of course many times, I try to show off , in whatever way I can, about things that I have or even things that I do not have but make believe that I have, since I find that they respect me more based on what I have than what I am. But that is life and everybody does that. Personally, I am always more concerned, however, about things that I do not have, that I would like to have, than about things that I have. I forget what I have but remember well what I do not have and would like to have. I always want something or other so that I can be happier than I am right now.
I must confess that I somehow struggled hard to achieve some of the things that I like, and that made me happy. The funny thing is that, until I got them, I was longing for them. But when I got them I found, although they are OK, I nevertheless need more for me to be happy. I still feel that things that I have are not adequate to give me that happiness that I want and I want bigger and better things or to achieve greater things in life so that I can be happier. However much I achieve or gain, I find my self to be in a disadvantaged position or an inadequate person, always needing more things than I have.
I would like to have everything so that I can be happy and contented. I would like to reach a state of fulfilment in my life, a feeling of completeness, a feeling that I have all that I want and that I have achieved all that I would like to achieve. But that seems never to happen in this life. I remain always an inadequate person, however much I have. While I am proud of everything that I have accomplished, there is always that ‘but’, with something more than I already have or have achieved. I always find someone or other who is luckier than I, who has more than I have and has achieved more than I have achieved. I find many of them that have achieved more than I could but by unfair means. That really bugs me and believe me life really stinks! If only life had been fairer, I could have achieved a lot more in my life and I would have been very happy person!